we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
