Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
