You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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