I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
