YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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