Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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