this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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