I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
