My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We are all done wearing pants today
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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