I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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