would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
