my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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