So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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