Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
