Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
