You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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