She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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