Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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