his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
