Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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