how do flat chested girls get laid?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
