kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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