I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
