I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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