1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
