Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
