On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
