I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
