One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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