Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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