dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
