I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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