I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
