Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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