I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
