how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
