Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
