No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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