why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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