Just took my morning after pill in the library
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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