I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
