What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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