Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
