Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
