Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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