Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
