There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
