We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize