Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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