This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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