a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
