I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
