WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
