I feel great
I just peed on a car
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
