no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
