I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
