My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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