this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
