just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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