The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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