evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
