just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
