You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
