Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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