I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
