Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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