i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
