It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
